Fifty Shades of Fantasies and Taboos About Tantra

Fifty Shades of Fantasies and Taboos About Tantra

Tantra is the subject of many misconceptions, prejudices, and fantasies that can sometimes repel and hinder you, or excite and confuse you in your quest for spiritual and sacred sexuality.

Fifty Shades of Tantra” helps you dissect these misconceptions and taboos so that you can approach tantra in a serene manner: Drop the masks!

Misconception #1: Many people think that tantra is solely sexual.


Tantra emphasizes the ability to stay present and feel sensations, then circulate energy between partners. Indeed, this can be done without physical contact, using presence, gaze, breath, and movement. This energy also flows through the body in a state of relaxation and non-doing to deepen sensations and create a perfect connection. This is how the pleasure of touch is later heightened and becomes energetic. When the body, mind, heart, and energy are combined, without stress or agenda, without technique or a desire to please the other, just suspended in the voluptuousness of the present moment, then the peaks of pleasure and ecstasy are within reach.

In reality, sexual penetration constitutes only 3% of Tantra practices. And even though we love making love, this is not the aspect we teach in our mixed-gender workshops. It may be part of our work during our tantra workshops for couples, which is practiced only in the privacy of the couple (their room) and not in the midst of the group, of course! In this context, the invitation is to turn this very special moment of connection into a true meditation. A celebration of slowness and the micro-sensations emerging in almost non-movement, as proposed by Diana Richardson’s slow sex.

Preconceived Idea #1b: Tantra is very (too) erotic

Once again, this is a misconception, and I’ll debunk a myth: Tantra is not a libertine club!

Tantra is a path of self-discovery that involves meditation, yoga, and breath exercises to center oneself. This is what is known as white tantra, typically practiced individually to enhance vitality, energy, presence, and sensitivity.

Red tantra, on the other hand, is practiced to reconnect with vital and sexual energy, desire, and pleasure using the three keys of Tantra: movement, sound, and breath. While Tantra can sometimes be erotic as it involves the body and the awakening of senses and feelings, it is fundamentally sensual. To learn about oneself, one’s body, and one’s sexuality, there is no need for sexual intercourse, especially not in our proposed practices. We prefer sports, dynamic, energetic activities, and dances that can be erotic, with the goal of feeling and expressing this energy within oneself, not with the intention of intercourse! Welcome to the energies of the God Eros, free and innocent desire, pleasure, and the life force without involving genitality.


Misconception #2: I will have to do things I don’t want to do

The purpose of Tantra is to learn who we really are and to learn to communicate clearly to offer mature and healthy relationships. The most important thing in participating in our tantra workshops is to learn to make choices!

All our practices are suggestions: There is no obligation to do anything during the entire workshop; it is YOU who choose! Consent is a key value at Cinquante Nuances de Tantra and one of the first experiences you will have with us. Most of our practices are explained and demonstrated. Each participant is invited to stay centered on themselves, to feel and honor what is good for them, their desires and needs, and their limits. You choose if you want to do a practice or not. You are free to try and change your mind at any time. And if there is interaction, touch, or pleasure, it’s only a bonus. Each person is responsible for their level of involvement in a proposed structure. It is always possible to adapt and do less than the proposal. Never more! Violent or sexual acts are prohibited in our workshops.
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It is, therefore, of prime importance to feel sufficiently safe to dare to explore outside the beaten paths. To develop other skills, qualities of being, and to expand one’s potential for life.

And it is important to traverse the zone of fear or discomfort in this progression without getting burned or causing harm. This is why we have carefully chosen a framework, a charter, and conventions that all participants commit to respecting and of which we are the guardians, enabling you to explore new facets or ways of doing things safely and healthily.

You can review our charter here.

Misconception #3: Tantra is everyone getting naked!

In Tantra, as in a fulfilling life, the goal is to feel free to choose what is good for oneself, with simplicity and confidence. Even though nudity may be suggested in some of our rituals, it is never mandatory.

You will be free to choose the number of clothes you wear! We believe that learning to reconcile with one’s body and oneself happens only in a supportive space where I can show myself as I am, with authenticity and vulnerability, always with the respect and benevolence of the group’s gaze and behavior; this can be very healing. And true nudity for us is the courage to show oneself authentic and vulnerable in the group, as in life.


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Finally, contrary to popular belief, Tantra is not reserved for heterosexual couples.

Like yin and yang, the key is for one partner to give and the other to receive.

Gender and sexual orientation have no importance in this sharing, as we all carry within us the flame of the feminine and masculine. Brotherhood and sisterhood are powerful energies of life. Single individuals are welcome in our workshops, regardless of the length or color of their hair. Let’s break free from stereotypes and heteronormativity, and welcome all ways of being oneself and in relation to others, life, love, and joy!

Misconception #5: Tantra is a hunting ground for participants

Singles are welcome in our workshops, and they meet as adults with consent. We are, however, vigilant individuals, and predatory behavior is grounds for exclusion from our workshops. We are committed to preserving your safety and a nurturing environment.

If a connection happens during our workshops (we have had a few, including a baby born from one of these connections), we encourage participants not to become too attached to what unfolds during a structure, as it belongs to the magic of a moment. If there is genuinely something strong that connects you, then you can meet outside the workshop to see if this attraction or magic is still alive and invigorating. Our work is powerful and profound, and we all represent unconscious parts of each other and vice versa.

Sometimes life uses someone from your environment to bring you a gift. It is important not to be manipulated by the unconscious and the game of projections (irresistible attraction/repulsion), greed (more and more), and attachment (he’s the one!), and not to confuse the messenger (a participant with whom it feels wow) and the message (love/the gift meant for you).

Idée reçue #5 bis: Tantra is a hunting ground for the facilitators

Even if some schools or facilitators have a controversial or slippery reputation, it’s a clear No, No, and No for us! Crossing that line is absolutely not acceptable.

We are not available for anything other than providing our work, which is about offering safe transformational spaces, especially for individuals who may have experienced abuse or violence in the past. There is no room for retriggering trauma or violating boundaries that should have been clearly established. We advocate for therapeutic tantra, grounded in ethics and respect.

Now, with all this clarity and awareness, if you need to better understand the framework within which our practices are conducted, please read our charter here. Your questions are welcome; feel free to ask us anything.

Do you want to get started with Tantra?

Take action and sign up now for one of our workshops or transformation and evolution retreats in the magic of Tantra.

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